"Theresa,
I got a referral from you last week and I've had a couple other people tell me you referred them to me. I just wanted to say thank you for that. Its very helpful in my line of work and I do appreciate you taking the time to give my name and contact details to people." Lisa Zeller, Spherion Recuiter.
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Different Standards for Men and Women
By Patricia Smith
Why do women so often report difficulty in working with women? Could we be holding women to a different standard of conduct than the men around us?
A saleswoman I know returned from out of town and emailed a colleague. The email was, "Hi Susan, have you had a chance to put the ABC quote together? Thanks, Hilda."
Susan's response to this email was one of great indignation. Susan's feelings were hurt because Hilda didn't ask about her week, or how she was doing. She saw her direct request as unfeeling and hurtful. As a result, Hilda didn't get her quote.
Many of us wonder if a man's request for a quote would have caused the same hurt feelings. Some of us wonder if Susan would have expressed her disappointment to a man, even if she felt it. We wonder if he would have been "punished" the same way.
Should we automatically hold women and men to different standards of interpersonal behavior? If women are to do the work of men, we need to learn more of the rules of order (see Each of Us, Chapter 1). I know Hilda, and I believe her direct method of asking the question is what helps her be successful. She is just paying more for it than are her male colleagues.
Each of us handles every job differently than anyone else. The next time you become frustrated with a woman's actions or responses, ask yourself if the same thing from a man would be just as frustrating. Awareness is the first step. Small adjustments make a big difference.
Patricia Smith, author of Each of Us: How Every Women Can Earn Money in Corporate America.
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