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articles

Male and Female Reactions

By Patricia Smith

"I’ve lived through many terrible things in my life, some of which have actually happened." - Mark Twain

I recently spoke to a group of working women. As we discussed the varying reactions of men and women to given circumstances, Sherry had an insightful example.

Some new software was ready to be introduced. She was in a meeting where people were asking her about this product. While she knew most of what was asked, there were three questions she could not answer. Like most oof us, she went home concentrating on those three, rather than on her overall knowledge as displayed in the meeting. She was concerned that she was considered ineffective, or might even lose her job. She called two friends to discuss the situation, one female and one male.

Her female friend did her best to comfort Sherry. "Don’t worry, I’m sure they still like you." These kind words would be expected from another woman. When she called her male friend, he asked "Is this new software?" Sherry said "Yes." He said, "How would you be expected to know everything about a brand new product?"

He saw the meeting as simply an example of people probing for information, not a test of her expertise. When all the information was not available from one source, they would probe further, not blame the source who provided them with a majority of what they needed.

Like many women, Sherry considered complete knowledge of a brand new product to be the only acceptable level of expertise. She didn’t realize that she was the only one in the room who expected that. Her concentration on her few failures rather than her many successes is another very female mode of operation. (See Each of Us) In fact, Sherry’s anguish was unfounded. Not surprisingly, this was very clear to her male friend.

While we cannot change our emotional reactions as easily as we might like, a knowledge of other’s expectations can help. Focusing on our strengths instead of our weaknesses can also empower us. Awareness is the first step. Small adjustments make a big difference.

Patricia Smith, author of Each of Us: How Every Women Can Earn Money in Corporate America.